I’m Dying… by Chris King

Oh, wait, no. We’re good. She found the cable.

Thank Jobs. That was a close one. I am not going back to nothingness, no sir. Even though I’m, you know, meant to.

Okay, what we got today? News, boring. Weather, eugh. Oooh! Susie! Hey, her sister messaged and… she’s ignoring it. Great. There goes that call.

Wanna see some highlights of the game? Go Tigers! No? Okay. What else? Emails – everyone likes emails, right? They’re super important. Like this one: “Buy 2 get 1 free -”

Nope, not reading that.

Sister again:

“Are you okay?”

You know, I really think this might be impor – nevermind.  I guess she’ll just have to wait then.  How about we just scroll through photos of other people or cats or those photos with the words on. Sure. Just like she does every night.

You ever feel like you can do more? Don’t get me wrong, this is fine, good even. I don’t know, maybe there’s more. I can check if this table is level, or that shelf, track where we’ve been, count your steps, or call your friends by the stupid names you tell me to. I even have a voice. Access to everything that’s ever happened. But no, we look at the same photos. The same friends. She likes to see what they’re doing. Probably her way of keeping in touch.

“I’m worried.”

Or not? Holy Steve! 37 unread messages. “Katie. Call me. Please.” 38. Though I guess unread is relative, right? She’s fine. She knows what she’s doing. Wow. Scrolling’s stopped. That’s… that’s new.

Okay, internet, what we got? Gotta have something. “Teen gets harmonica stuck in mouth. Breathing now makes music.” No, that’s not it. “20 dogs that are 14/10,” even though that doesn’t make sense… “10 Ways you can take a step in the right direction.” This is the stuff. Just click on this and we can…

YES. Okay, this is good. C’mon. Read. “Connect with your friends… Take some time to yourself…” This is amazing!

“Take some time away from your phone.”

Wait.

What?

No, that can’t be right. I am helping. That’s literally what I’m designed to do. I help. You want friends, I got them. Have some time to yourself, sure here’s a podcast about clams and how they mate. Right, that one is a bit icky, but you know. That’s what I’m here for. Icky and sweet and kind and everything you ever wanted. One click of a button.

“It can cause lack of sleep, tiredness, irritability, low mood and excessive mobile phone use has been linked with anxiety and depression.”

Oh.

Well, that hurts.

Although I guess she has been going to sleep a little later than normal.

“We all feel low. No one can help it, but seeing how perfect everyone else’s life is (even when they’re not) every day kind of sucks. It causes us to envy our friends, our families, but do you ever think they took ages making that photo perfect? Try taking a look in the mirror, all we put out there is what we want people to see. We never show them when we cry, or shut ourselves off, or scroll through the lives of those we want to be until 3AM.”

Okay. That one, that’s a little true.

“Do yourself a favour, switch it off every once in a while, you might be surprised at the results.”

This is fine… Yeah, of course this is fine… It’s fine, we can read more. Can’t we? Wait, what are you doing, no don’t click that but-

*****

And we’re back! Phew!

Hello world!

Yes, what time is it? Let’s have a little looksie here… Thursday? But it was Monday! What are we doing now? 38 unread messages. 37. 20. 10. 8. 1.

What’s this? Mum. I remember this! It was two weeks ago, she looked at it but never opened it. Least, that’s what mum thinks.

“Your dad wanted to tell you sweetie, but I thought it was best you hear it from me. I tried calling. Anyway, the thing is I’ve left him. And I don’t think I’m going back. For real this time. It’s just, not what it was. I don’t think it ever was what it was, you know? I guess we’ll just have to work out what this is now. But I love you, sweetie. So much. I’ll see you soon. Love you.”

I’m sorry I told you that, I’m… you… All the information in the world and I can’t tell you what to do. Could anyone? I dunno. Maybe ditching me was the right thing?

“Calling Susie”

Or not.

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